I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
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