haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Did we literally take a cab across the street
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
