dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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