Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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