I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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