Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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