so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
