Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
two words...techno handjob
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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