If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Randomize
