Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
