Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
