Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
