so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
