This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
