Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
But theres a keg here and me gusta
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
i think i just lost a toe
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
