so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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