i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
