So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
You are a booty call, not a friend.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
