He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
