You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
