he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
