He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
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