It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
