R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
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