And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
farters have to be the big spoon...
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
