evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
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