I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
She even gives head with a lisp.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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