Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
