I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
