dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Randomize
