how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
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my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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