i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
