Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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