Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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