ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Randomize
