hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
You need a sexual gate keeper
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
