just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
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