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• (434): View more from Virginia

  Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.

  (951): View more from California

  sound pretty economical

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• (847): View more from Illinois

  So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?

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• (703): View more from Virginia

  nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase

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• (916): View more from California

  I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.

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• (574): View more from Indiana

  I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids

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• (636): View more from Missouri

  I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.

  (314): View more from Missouri

  Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.

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• (604): View more from British Columbia

  Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!

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• (318): View more from Louisiana

  Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore. 

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• (303): View more from Colorado

  My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.

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• (325): View more from Texas

  I put a zucchini in my pussy for you

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• (202): View more from Washington, DC

  I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.

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• (214): View more from Texas

  I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.

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• (698): View more from

  I think I just shit out all my problems.

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• (704): View more from North Carolina

  Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"

  (1-704): View more from North Carolina

  That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.

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• (817): View more from Texas

  In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.

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