Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
