so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
