Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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