Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
