go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I'm drive I can fine osifer
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Randomize
