it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
