My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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