remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
