don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
