Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
my being single is dangerous.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
What a dumb baby whore.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Randomize
