Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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