i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
