He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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