the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
there is puke in my bra ... again
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
