hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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