i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Welp...herpes.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
