DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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