Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
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Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
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