I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
