you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Randomize
