You can't motorboat a personality
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
