You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Randomize
