she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
