We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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