girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
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