you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
