Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
