The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
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