Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
