After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
