If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
