i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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