I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
