There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
