it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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