so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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