the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
