kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
