I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
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She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
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I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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