I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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